I don't know anything.

I got dumped. Great.

also i miss those blogs that have crushes on serial killers

I’m having a manic episode that is putting me on an interesting thought path but I know I will crash soon

It was good to see friends today, though. I saw my friend Erin and Phil. So basically, today, I went to school, then volunteered, then went straight to Phil’s house. I’ve been up since 6am so my mind and body have had quite the workout. It’s time to go to bed, to say the least.

omg im sick of being dicked around

And I have yet to talk to them. It’d be nice to, of course. I just want to get to know more people - know their stories.

Upon the metacognition of previous events, I’ve come to some realizations.

Here is more background about myself. I work as a receptionist to a facility that houses rebahilitation services to children with intellectual disorders. This includes autism, ADHD, and others. Some of the services provided are ABA, OT, and speech therapy. 

I’ve only been working here for a couple months and it took me a while to realize that the kids who were frequenting this office were on the spectrum for autism. To me, they all look like fun-loving children. Their faces are so smooth, fresh, and puppy-like. Their happiness are contagious, their smiles can brighten ANY room. 

I am also pleasantly pleased that the parents of these children are sweethearts as well. I am still a novice worker and I get treated with respect and mutuality. It really makes me happy. As a former food-service worker, the treatment I received was everything BUT respectful.

I was overhearing a conversation between two mothers yesterday. One was saying that her child had a certain disease that has a high chance of preventing a long life. She simplified this by saying her child will most likely not live past 15. This made my heart dropped as I could sense the same feeling with all of the mothers in the room. What a devastating disease.

The mother, just like the others, is always positive and it warms my heart. She’s the first to crack jokes, and make light out of situations.She speaks with a tone of voice that is comforting and fills the room with warmth. Her daughter is the same way, she is first to great everyone in the room with a cutsie face that is reminiscent of a puppy’s face. She is well-spoken and an excellent kid. Her and her mother both deserve an award of some sort.

And so, thinking about how I was treated with that certain individual from the puppy rescue place (see previous post) and how I am treated at work; (with families that I wouldn’t BLAME to snap and be fussy with me) it makes me wonder, that everybody has their own crap that they deal with. But, the way that you treat others, can tell a lot about someone. It takes true strength to put a smile at home and with others.

This post may not be the most profound proposition of the world, but I wanted to rant. I like to have my thoughts in writing and hope to do more of these. Peace, the fuck, out.

So I will update with some thoughts I’ve had today. But first, let me start with a brief synopsis of some events that are relevant to my post.

Firstly, my mother recently adopted a puppy. Her name is Gigi and she’s gorgeous. We’ve been having some problems with the rescue from which we got her. Basically, the rescue has been misleading with her health information. We found out that she has kennel cough, a parasite, and Lyme disease, without any caution. My mother and I felt betrayed that such company would try to get us to adopt a sick puppy. 

Upon complaints from my mother, we were denied a response or further service. We were told that we “signed a paper” and thus must comply with their arbitrary rules of having her spade by a veterinarian who’s information we don’t have access to. And so, by going to our own vet, we are “breaking the rules” My mother has reached out to other organizations to get information on the rescue, and a post was made on facebook about it. Rescues do NOT have the same rules and regulations as puppy stores - and that is what the post was about. My mother commented saying that shady rescues needed to be further checked. She was immediately attacked by other women, saying she was a “liar” and unfair. And just wanted “attention”. And “feels bad for that puppy who has to live with her”

She was nasty towards my mother. And it bothered me. I feel as if it’s not about puppy care anymore.

And so, it isn’t.

I decided to send a direct message to the lady that publicly wrote nasty comments to my mother. She continued to bash my mom, began to attack me as well. 

This is all petty shit, I know. But I feel bad for this woman. She is very angry. She is willing to face the doughey eyes of a daughter and call her mother a “wench”. My prediction is that somewhere down the line, she must have felt betrayed by people. Maybe we was bullied, or abused. She has turned to animals as her primary source of affection and nurture. Whenever humans cross her psyche, however, that’s when she goes for the animalistic prowl.

I wish she finds peace within herself one day, as I am trying to find my own.

I am more and more excited about my past than I am about my future. And, at the present moment of the past, I disliked the present. I’ve talked about being stressed in the past; however, this is a totally different ball park.

I wonder what’s wrong with me. Sigh. Maybe I’ll find out one of these days.

That is all.